On a handful of occasions over the last two years, I have had people very close to me accidentally put their foot in their mouths, when they accidentally mistook my weight gain for pregnancy weight.
While this can happen to any female who is in their mid to late twenties, particularly those who are recently married, that never makes the comment sting any less.
It is no secret that I have struggled with my weight for the last 20 years of my life. Sometimes the number on the scale is high, sometimes it’s low— but assuredly I’m always unhappy with how I look.
I always had this idea in my head that I would be happier “when I got a boyfriend, when I got engaged, when I got married…” Well news flash to all of you single ladies out there— all of those things happened for me, and I’m still not happy with how I look.
The frustrating thing is, we’re not really sure why I’ve struggled with my weight all of these years. I work out (begrudgingly), eat healthy (also begrudgingly), and can still gain weight if I so much as walk past a piece of pizza. I’ve visited nutritionists, specialists, cut dairy AND gluten out of my diet— and no change. We passed frustrating months ago, and now it’s upsetting to even think about.
While I’m sure that my history of eating disorders certainly haven’t helped my case, as someone who struggles daily with body image, the idea that now people who are close to me can notice the changes, it’s an increasingly difficult pill to swallow.
I share these insecurities, not to gain pity, but to shed light on the fact that so often, we make assumptions about people’s lives, when truly we may have no idea what they’re dealing with.
If you are like me, and struggle with body image, I pray that you have someone in your life who tells you you’re beautiful every day, even when you don’t believe it yourself. And if you haven’t found that person yet— wait for them. They’re out there.