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The Bestie Breakup

We have all had that one friend (or several) that we thought we’d be close with forever. That girl who you knew would be a bridesmaid at your wedding, the godmother of your children, and then one day you stop talking and eventually it’s like they never even existed.

This is what I like to call the bestie breakup. Whether it’s a huge blowout that leads to completely severing your friend group down the middle or just a slow, subtle growing apart and you wake up one day wondering what happened-- it’s never easy.

We see brides all the time that go one of two ways: either they opt to keep their long term bestie in the wedding party because “they always promised they would”, and then there’s this subtle unspoken tension between the old friends and new friends in the group. The other alternative is excluding them from the bridal party, or perhaps the guest list, altogether.

Whether we like to admit it or not, we get very comfortable with the way things have always been. For example, if you have had a childhood friend for 20+ years, chances are that you’re also close with each other’s families.

That being said, not having them in the wedding party may cause more long-term harm than good. On the other hand, if the friendship has always been more of a “frenemy” situation, it may make you miserable to have her standing by your side on the big day.

Unfortunately, I can’t provide any tell-all solution for how to handle this awkward situation, because it truly is, case by case. You may select members of your bridal party and then have a fall out before you walk down the aisle. You may ask someone to be in your bridal party, and then grow apart in the years that follow, simply because you're not in the stage of life anymore. And that's okay.

The bestie breakup is something that unfortunately, we all have to deal with. Maybe you were 5, maybe you were 25, but to be sure it wasn’t an easy process. The best advice I can offer if you’re dealing with this in the midst of planning a wedding is this-- you have enough going on, without worrying about whether the girls standing by your side will be nice to you or not. So choose your bridal party wisely, and don’t be afraid to be a little selfish, rather than just selecting people that you promised you would stand alongside when you were back in grade school.

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