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A Love That's Not Fragile

Last Christmas, I went to see Frozen 2 at a matinee in between client meetings, and cried like a baby when Kristoff’s character turned to Ana and told her that his love was not fragile, and that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Admittedly, I was in an overly emotional season, as I juggled preparing for the holidays, signing divorce papers, and a new relationship that I was completely terrified would crumble.

And guess what y’all— it did crumble. It was like I had willed it into existence with all of my fears and anxiety that it wouldn’t last— and then one day, it just went away. As if the foundation that had been built never mattered. You know why— because it was fragile.

A few days after seeing the movie I was writing my list of goals for 2020, and I wrote the words “I will not go into a new year chasing a boy.”

I had spent the last 5 years trying to convince one man to love me and frankly, I was over it. I was tired of acting ‘easy breezy’ when I’m so obviously NOT easy breezy. I was tired of apologizing for being something that I’m not, and I was TIRED of being with people who just wanted to change me.

It took watching a Disney movie to remind me that we are supposed to be setting examples for all of the little boys and girls out there, who are trying to figure out their ideals about love. We are supposed to be showing up for ourselves and advocating for what we want. Being open and honest— even if people think you’re weird.

So y’all, I went on a lot of bad dates. Like, a lot. But if someone was nice and wanted to go out to lunch with me, I said yes. But, I promised myself that I would not pull all of my typical first date moves (girls, you know what I’m talking about— eating a salad and ordering half, never checking my phone, ordering a certain drink that seemed pretty and girly— you get what I’m saying).

I started saying yes to dates, but I also started choosing to be myself. If they didn’t call me after, they were rude to me, or they made me feel uncomfortable — I chose myself, and to move on.

I stopped apologizing for choosing myself and setting boundaries. If there was something I needed to say, I said it. If I wanted to text him, I texted him. If I didn’t want to text him anymore, I gracefully declined.

And you know what happened, y’all? I met someone. Someone who not only ‘checked all the boxes’, but who made me feel more comfortable on our first date than I probably had in 5 years with my ex.

Someone who, when I got caught off guard with the possibility that he would have to move 900 miles away and I acted like I was okay with it— he knew I wasn’t, and made me talk about it.

I met someone who believed in building something real. Something that wasn’t fragile. Something built to last. And y’all. If you find that— it is worth 100 bad dates.

So instead of listening to the Disney princes who marry a man after 3 days, listen to the stable boy who was patient and kind, and who waited for the woman he loved to be ready for something that would last. Because that’s the good stuff.

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