If there’s one complaint I hear most often from brides, it’s that their fiancé doesn’t seem to care about the details of the wedding. Now before I continue, I realize that this is not true of ALL grooms to be, but we’re just talking about majorities here.
The rationalization of this is simple: while your hubby to be has consciously made the decision to spend the rest of the life with you, quite often they feel like they picked out the ring, planned the proposal, and now it’s your turn.
Also unlike us ladies, the men in our lives haven’t been planning their wedding day since they were 5. While we were pretending to marry our neighbors little brother, they were off shooting Nerf guns and racing Hot Wheels.
You want your fiancé to be a part of this whole experience with you, rather than just assuming that you want to do it all yourself. Because while planning a wedding is exciting and fun, it’s also stressful— and you could really use all the help you can get! And if this is a celebration of the two of you, it only makes sense that you're both involved in the process.
Based on this, I’ve compiled a list of a few suggestions for getting the guys more involved and in turn, taking a bit off of your to do list.
1. Have them rank their top 3 wedding day priorities.
This is something that if you have booked with me, you will notice that I ask both the bride and groom to do. Even if your budget is $100K you still have a budget, so it’s very important to know what’s the most important to each of you before proceeding with booking vendors and spending money willy nilly.
For example, if your #1 priority is wedding photos, but the flower quote that you received is going to total 1/3 of your whole budget and neither of you even care about flowers— maybe it’s time to rethink those Pinterest-perfect arrangements, and instead look to allocating that money elsewhere.
I think it’s SO important to get the groom’s insight on this, because if it’s something he cares about, he’s going to be that much more likely to step up and help with doing some additional research to ensure you get the best goal.
FUN FACT: About 1/5 of our inquiries for planning services actually come from the groom, rather than the bride!
2. Let them pick their looks.
This one should go without saying, but I realize that everyone is different, so let me spell it out for you-- it is HIS day too, yall! That means that he gets a say in how he looks.
In the same way that you want to look and feel your best on the wedding day, he deserves that too. It's going to make him more comfortable in front of the camera too, so it's really a win-win.
3. Getting their hands dirty.
Please note that when I say this, I am NOT saying that you should hand over a mile long honey do list with ideas off of Pinterest. What I am saying, is that there's something to be said for a project that yall can either complete together or on his own, which can then be used in the wedding.
A prime example of this would be an arbor that perhaps he built rather than renting, or helping with the landscaping of the yard if the wedding happens to be at a private residence.
4. The band and/or the bar.
While not always the case, I most typically see the groom’s family paying for details such as the bar and/or the band or DJ. These are most typically decisions that don’t require as much planning or decision making, so there’s more of an instant gratification when it comes to booking them.
By all means ladies, put your two cents in when deciding on things like a full bar vs. just serving beer and wine, but if you are really wanting your fella to step up and take some parts of the planning off your plate-- let him!
5. Cake and/or food tastings.
This is the fun part, so you definitely want to include your groom in this part of the planning process. That being said, it’s typically easiest if you can narrow down the field of options before dragging him to 5 or 6 different menu tastings.
If you can take nothing else away from this post, remember this: just because your fiancé isn’t excited about peonies versus dahlias in your bridal bouquet, that doesn’t mean that he isn’t excited about marrying YOU. The majority of the grooms I work with genuinely just want their bride to have the day of their dreams, and if she’s happy they’re happy.
So have a pow wow with your fella about what you’d like for him to help with, let him know when you need help with something, and remember to enjoy the process. Happy planning my loves!